I will die if light touches me.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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