maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
