Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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