I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
