I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
