Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
