Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
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