I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
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