this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
