i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
