I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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