Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I love you. Go after that dick
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
