He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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