And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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