my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
