What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
