i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
