I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize