I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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