the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
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