My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
