Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
