dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
