laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
