Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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