I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
