Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
So vagazzling was a success
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
