Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm getting married
To pizza
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
