And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize