I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
