I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
