I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
