Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
