All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
