I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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