i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
