My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
