david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
