Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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