making cat noises will not fix the situation.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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