Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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