I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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