I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
