Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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