Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
