hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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