Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize