Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize