she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
