The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
