bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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