But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
