Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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