I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
i think i just naturally attract stoners
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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