Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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