im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
