Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
