woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
