I wish my penis had an off switch
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
