It's Friday. Sex?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Randomize
