she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
