Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
