did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
