I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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