I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
