i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Randomize
