Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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