I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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