After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
he told me I talked like a deaf person
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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