everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
