all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
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