Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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