Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize