Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I AM VODKA MAN
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
i think im in europe. pls send help
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
