dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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