hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
