That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
