Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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