I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
