when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
